


Touch

by Self_Indulgent_TMNT



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other, Reader-Insert, Romance, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Self_Indulgent_TMNT/pseuds/Self_Indulgent_TMNT
Summary: It wasn’t like you were with Luke just to touch him. You loved him for who he was. Yes, he looked incredible, but if this was all you could ever have then so be it. You’d take it and be grateful. Because it was his mind, his heart, his soul that you had fallen so completely in love with.But it would be lying if you said you didn’t wish you could touch him.Not all the time. You didn’t want to cling to him, to clamber all over him. You didn’t want to shag him day and night.But not being able to… Just casually. Drifting past him and not noticing if your hips bumped. Not being able to feel how close he was sitting to you on the sofa.Things you’d never noticed but wanted more than you could say.AKAAll the times you and Luke try to touch, and the one time you manage it.Rated for language. Reader is gender-neutral.
Relationships: luke patterson/reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little housekeeping.  
> I have not mentioned any particular living/family situation for the reader in this fic. I wrote it imagining they were perhaps a relative of Julie's who lives with the Molinas for school. Could also work as a Molina Reader. Similarly you could possibly imagine it as you are Julie's neighbour.  
> Essentially, reader lives v close to the boys' garage/studio, feel free to create your own fantasy. It doesn't impact the story.

It wasn’t like you were with Luke just to touch him. You loved him for who he was. Yes, he looked incredible, but if this was all you could ever have then so be it. You’d take it and be grateful. Because it was his mind, his heart, his soul that you had fallen so completely in love with.

But it would be lying if you said you didn’t wish you could touch him.

Not all the time. You didn’t want to cling to him, to clamber all over him. You didn’t want to shag him day and night.

But not being able to… Just casually. Drifting past him and not noticing if your hips bumped. Not being able to _feel_ how close he was sitting to you on the sofa.

Things you’d never noticed but wanted more than you could say.

You saw the way he was with Reggie and Alex. Luke was **constantly** touching them: a hand on a shoulder in greeting; grasping their hand as they sat next to each other; clutching their faces when they were excited; rubbing their backs when they freaked out. He was so tactile, so affectionate.

You weren’t jealous, of course.

No.

That was a lie.

You burned with jealousy.

It almost felt like Luke couldn’t express himself properly without touch.

The first time he’d tried you weren’t even close to being together.

“Hey”

You jumped out of your skin, dropping the notebook you’d been scribbling in absentmindedly as there was a brief flash and suddenly Luke appeared in front of you.

“Jesus! Don’t scare me like that!”

Luke, who’d just poofed into the garage, offered an apologetic grin. “Sorry, Y/N. Didn’t mean to startle you”

“I will **never** get used to you boys doing that poof thing.”

Luke flopped down on the sofa next to you, still grinning. “Well to be fair, this is kind of our space. We’ve got free reign to do all the ghostly stuff we like here”

“I think the word you’re looking for is haunting”

Luke chuckled. “Well I’m sorry if I don’t have all the terminology down yet” he said, making air quotation marks around the word ‘terminology’.

“Please feel free not to practice. Don’t need the neighbours demanding an exorcism or whatever you do to ghosts”

“Would that even work?” The hint of genuine concern in Luke’s eyes had you biting back an amused grin.

You didn’t reply, leaving him to stew in the idea for a moment, before continuing the conversation.

“I guess we’re kinda lucky, though. Our ghosts just wanna play music not, like, eat our souls or something”

Luke leant away, hand pressed against his chest in mock-horror. “Is that something ghosts do?!”

You shrugged. “I dunno, maybe.”

His fake horror morphed into narrowed eyes and a wicked grin. “Maybe I should give it a go…”

You jumped back, shuffling across the sofa. “Oh no you don’t! I’m still using my soul!”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

“Oi!”

You threw a cushion at Luke and he dodged it effortlessly. “Oh come on, I’m only joking” he said, reaching out to shove your shoulder playfully.

Only his hand went straight through.

You both froze, laughter and joking immediately replaced with awkwardness. Luke pulled his hand away like he’d been burnt, squeezing it into a fist.

“Right, can’t touch lifers. I gotta remember that”

You fought the urge the rub your hand over the shoulder he’d tried to touch. Silence hung between you. Luke shifted uncomfortably for a moment, before springing up and walking over to the piano, picking up his notebook which sat on top of it and staring intently at a page. You went back to your own notebook, but neither of you was really focussing. The awkwardness stretched out unbearably until there was a quick flash and Alex appeared in the studio.

“Alex!” you and Luke both cried, accidentally simultaneously.

Alex jumped, staring between the two of you, obviously startled. “Okay… That was a bit weird…”

“Was it?” Luke asked, conspicuously running a hand through his hair. You bit your lip, focussing intently on your page again, finally letting your hand rub over the shoulder Luke had bumped.

The second time you’d almost touched had been less awkward.

Rain poured down outside the garage, soaking everything in seconds. You watched the deluge from the floor in the open garage doorway, rubbing your wet hair with a towel, knees hugged up to your chest. Luke was sat opposite you, leaning against the doorframe and watching the water thunder down.

It was a rare quiet moment between the two of you. Life always seemed so busy with the boys. There was always something happening, something to be doing. But Alex and Reggie had taken the afternoon to go and do some exploring, making the most of being dead to go to all the places they weren’t allowed when they were alive.

Luke had said he wanted to stay and work on music. Really, he’d wanted to wait for you to get home from school. Julie was having a sleepover at Flynn’s and he’d seen an opportunity for some rare alone time with you.

You and he were just friends, but he had started to value your company far more than he would ever admit to the others, or to you. When he was with you it almost felt like he was alive, like things could be something like normal. You weren’t in the band, so he didn’t have to think about music or managers or gigs. He could just be, take a break from being ‘on’ all the time. He wanted nothing more than to spend more time with you, and so he’d waited in the garage, jotting away in his notebook, fiddling with melodies, and waiting. Hoping you’d come in to see him when you got home from school.

He wasn’t disappointed. You’d gone to your room after getting home and changed, but after that you’d gone straight to the studio. You’d taken your notebook with you, pretending you wanted to write. Really, you’d hoped you might find some company there. Specifically, Luke’s.

Your mind ran with all sorts of random things you could say, an automatic response to silence. But you fought the urge, sinking into the silence. It was nice, sitting with him like this. It was almost romantic. You allowed your eyes to stray from the weather outside to the boy sat opposite. You’d hoped to sneak a look at him while he wasn’t looking, but you found him gazing straight at you. He started a little when he knew you’d caught him and quickly averted his eyes.

You smiled. “See something you like?”

You weren’t sure where the flirty confidence had come from, but Luke always brought out an unexpected side of you. You didn’t feel like you had to try to be anything with him, you could just exist.

Luke looked embarrassed. “Of course I do. You look amazing”

You laughed, but it was mostly out of awkwardness. “I’m a mess, but ok”

“You’re beautiful”

Luke’s face flashed with horror as he realised what he’d just said. Your mouth went dry. Eventually, you found some words.

“You’re not too bad yourself, Patterson”

It was Luke’s turn to stumble over his words and blush. “I… Uh…” He rubbed at the back of his neck with a hand, clearly extremely uncomfortable. You laughed, releasing the tension that had built up between you. Luke allowed himself to grin.

You stretched out your leg, pointing your toes to the sky. Across from you, Luke did the same, sole of his trainer matching up against yours, meeting across the space. You couldn’t feel the pressure of his foot pressing against yours, but as you rocked your foot from side to side, he did the same. It almost looked like they were touching.

It would do for now.

You turned back to look at the rain.

There were worse spots than this. The sun slowly sank below the horizon, casting the sea below it in a glorious medley of pink and orange and bronze. Beautiful and blended.

“I always loved sunsets” Luke said, voice low as he stared in awe. “It’s like the day’s last gift before it turns to night. A reminder that, no matter what’s happened today, there’s always something beautiful to look forward to”

“That’s incredibly poetic. No wonder you’re so good at writing songs”

You had to admit, you weren’t really looking at the sunset. Luke’s eyes shone in the golden light as he smiled at the horizon, pleased by your compliment.

Waves crashed onto the beach, providing a soothing soundtrack. The only people around now strolled along the beach in pairs, breathing in the evening and each other. This was a time and place for couples.

And yet you didn’t feel out of place being there with Luke as the two of you lay in the sand.

He turned his head, catching you staring. But you didn’t stop, didn’t turn away. He didn’t either, just met your gaze with his own. This evening on the beach wasn’t a date, it was just two friends spending some time together. But it also wasn’t **not** a date, because those two friends had very definite romantic feelings for each other and had given up on hiding it.

“You know, Y/N, I didn’t just invite you here to watch the sunset”

“No, I didn’t really believe you did”

He nodded. There was another beat of silence.

“It’s just, I really like spending time with you”

“I like spending time with you, too.” Despite knowing precisely where this was going, your heart beat a little faster. “More than I can say”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”

Luke’s chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath. And a second. His usual confident demeanour fell away.

“I… I like you” he stuttered out. “A lot. And… And I know it’s a bit of a weird situation and nothing can ever happen, but I… I just need you to know that you mean a lot to me”

“I know. I like you too, a hell of a lot”

He nodded a little. “Yeah, I know”

Your fingers curled in the sand as you fought the urge to reach out and intertwine them with his.

Luke looked down at the space between you, noticing the motion. He seemed to understand. He shuffled his hand closer to yours anyway, flicking a few grains your way. You smiled.

“I know this is probably stupid,” you began, eyes still locked on your hands, so close but so far, “because we’d probably be doomed right from the beginning, but…” your voice trailed away. You were scared even to voice the thought.

“We could, just… live for today?” Luke suggested, picking up on your idea. You finally dragged your eyes back to his.

“Like it’s now or never?”

Luke chuckled at the use of his own song’s title. “Yeah, something like that”

“It wouldn’t be a typical relationship”

He shrugged. “I don’t want typical, I want you”

“Do you want to try?”

His shoulders relaxed and his face broke out into a grin. “I want nothing more”

You grinned, but it still felt kind of surreal. Because this was, undoubtedly, a really dumb idea.

“Great.” The word wasn’t enough, but no word ever could be. Because as stupid as you knew having a relationship with him was, as much as you knew it would probably cause you agony one day, it was absolutely worth it just to be able to call him yours.

Luke glanced back down at your hands. His eyes lit up and you could practically see the lightbulb above his head. He started scrambling in the sand.

Your voice cracked as you laughed. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Give me a second”

“You’re covering me with sand!”

“It’s worth it”

You gave him his precious moment, during which he completely buried the hand which was sat between you. You could see its outline, like a particularly small sand sculpture.

“I take it all back, you’re a complete idiot, Luke”

“Am I? Put your hand on mine”

“What?”

He wiggled his fingers and the sand compacted on them cracked a little. “Do it”

You complied. It was… You were definitely holding a handful of sand, but whenever his fingers twitched you could feel the movement, and when you squeezed a little he smiled, like he felt it.

“Am I still an idiot?”

“You’re a romantic dork. But I think you might also be a genius”

Luke squeezed your hand a little, you squeezed back.

You had never regretted entering into a relationship with Luke.

Not. Once.

You didn’t need excuses to spend time together anymore. There was no more trying to make it look casual when you went straight to the studio from school, all you had to say was “I wanted to see you.” You didn’t need to look away when he caught you staring at him, and there were no more meaningful looks from the others when the two of you got a bit too obvious.

You were together and it was wonderful. He was wonderful. Just spending time with him, talking about nothing and everything.

Things weren’t really all that different to how they were before, but they felt different. They felt better.

You were happy.

You were getting more creative in ways to feel each other. You could still ‘hold hands’ at the beach, and it was one of your favourite spots. But there were other things you could do, little ways to feel that bit more connected.

Your favourite was the sofa cushions.

It was movie night in the Molina household. You and Julie had taken over the TV for the evening, and Flynn had come over for the night. Being in a group was good because it meant you could talk with the boys and anyone casually overhearing would think it was just a group conversation between the three of you.

You were curled up on the sofa, Luke by your side. Reggie was curled in a ball on the other side of Luke while Alex stretched himself out on the floor. Julie and Flynn were huddled together in the armchair.

It was nice, hanging out with them all like that. It felt almost normal. But something wasn’t right. You tried not to notice the way Reggie draped his body against Luke’s, the way they were just so _close._ You craved it. He was _your_ boyfriend after all.

But when you looked at the ghosts you noticed the way the sofa moved underneath them. They were very definitely **there.** Their ‘bodies’ interacted with the sofa, just not actual living bodies. You didn’t understand the rules, but you didn’t have to. You just had to find a way around them.

Sat, abandoned, on the floor was a long, thin cushion. It had been thrown off when you, Luke and Reggie claimed the sofa to lounge on. Now, however, it gave you an idea.

“Hey, Luke, shift up a bit” you said, reaching down and grabbing the cushion.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ve got one of those ‘ideas’ you’re always talking about”

You shoved the cushion into the space between you and Luke.

“That’s your idea?”

You curled up against the cushion, beckoning for him to do the same.

It wasn’t really like sitting together. It was still a cushion. But you could feel the pressure from the other side, where Luke’s shoulder was so close to yours. He moved and you felt it, you shifted your position and he had to as well.

It was close. The closest you’d got.

_Focus._

That was what Alex had said. All you had to do was really focus and you could lift anything.

_Focus._

Well Luke was focussing, he really was. But he was also kind of busy worrying. Because if he got caught then it would only make things awkward.

But everyone was focussing on the film, no eyes were on him. He had to try. Had to know.

_Focus._

Luke focussed, reaching out to a stray piece of your hair that lay across the cushion between the two of you. His fingers passed straight through and he had to fight to hide the disappointment.

_Focus!_

The film blurred out in the background. Worries of being noticed were abandoned, fears of failure locked away.

And this time his fingers didn’t pass through. They locked around the strand of hair, twisting it around his finger.

You jumped at the feeling, looking at him.

He was _touching_ you. Granted, it was only a little piece of your hair, but he had it wrapped loosely around his finger, playing with it like everything was normal.

You wanted to cry.

“Watch the movie” Luke whispered. But you couldn’t. You sank down, resting your head on the cushion between you, eyes mesmerised by his fingers, gently running through the end of your hair.

Enough. This was enough. There and then, so close that it hurt. So very nearly touching him. That would be enough.

And then it was all taken away.

So… They’d played The Orpheum, and they were still here. And they could feel Julie’s arms around them, and she could feel theirs around her.

It was euphoric. They’d gone from certain doom to anything can happen in mere moments.

Luke clung to his bandmates, letting the joy run through him, revelling in feeling strong and healthy for the first time in so long.

“I like this” Reggie said, face glowing with happiness. No one was about to disagree.

“We played the Orpheum!”

They existed only in that moment, none of them knew how long for. Nothing had felt this good in a long time.

It felt real and right and…

Shit.

In the heat of the moment he’d forgotten what should have mattered most.

Luke stumbled back from the group hug; face gone from wide grin to alarm.

“Y/N” he managed to choke out, and in the brief moment before he poofed out he saw the others’ expressions change. They understood.

There was somewhere more important for him to be.

You could remind yourself that they’d moved on, passed over. Completed their unfinished business. Your friends were at peace. Luke was at peace.

This was a good thing.

You’d known since day one that this was where things were heading. You had loved him regardless, been with him regardless. Each moment had been glorious and beautiful, and you were just lucky to have had what you did.

But it was still fucking agony.

Tomorrow you would have to go to school. You would have to hear people complimenting Julie on her performance and you would have to focus on chemistry and maths and whatever else the world threw at you. And you weren’t allowed to be seen to be broken.

No one could know.

Your scream was muffled by a pillow already wet with tears.

But it was still loud enough to hide the tell-tale sound of a ghost poofing into your room.

Luke knew that what he saw when he first appeared in your room would be burned onto his memory for the rest of his existence.

Because after everything that had happened to him – after dying, losing his parents, being stamped by Caleb, facing utter oblivion – the scene in front of him was the most painful thing he’d ever experienced.

You were crying. Screaming. So utterly and completely broken.

By him.

He knew him leaving, however it happened, would be hard for you. He’d always known that. It had been one of the many things which made him scared of being with you.

But you’d accepted it willingly. You said your goodbyes, and he’d seen you during the performance. You were smiling, screaming the words along with the band on stage. They were Luke’s songs, Luke’s words, and they were burnt onto your soul.

You’d done everything in your power to make his last evening on Earth a good one.

If he hadn’t still been there, hadn’t been saved by whatever the hell had just happened, then this would have happened anyway. He just wouldn’t have been allowed to see it. This was your pain. Pain he caused you.

Luke didn’t have time to think about what had happened to him, about the extent to which he was now ‘real’. He didn’t have time to ask why Julie could touch him, or if you would be able to as well. All he knew was that he had to try and stop your pain.

You felt fingers trying to pry yours away from the cushion you were sobbing into. Warm and calloused and so gentle, so loving.

You jumped away, scared someone had found you who had no way of knowing why you were like this.

And you found Luke. Sat on your bed. Holding your hand.

“Luke? What? I… I don’t understand. You’re supposed to be gone!”

“So, we didn’t cross over”

“Oh god! Oh god! Why not? Why are you here? What about Caleb? I… I don’t understand”

You were trembling, entire body shaking. You felt sick.

“I don’t understand either. But we didn’t cross and Julie found us in the studio. And she hugged us. And we just sort of… got better?”

Luke struggled to get the facts out, so far from understanding them himself.

You stared, trying to figure out if you’d just gone mad.

“The point is, Y/N, I’m still here. I’m right here. I didn’t go anywhere”

He leant forward and cupped your face in his hands.

“You’re still here?”

He nodded, smiling.

And then you realised…

“Luke! You’re touching me!”

His grin healed all of your pain in one flash. “I know”

“How are you touching me?”

You reached out, grabbing at his arms, clinging to him. He didn’t stop holding your face, smiling at you.

“I don’t know. Like I said, Julie hugged us. I don’t know why. I don’t care”

You froze for a moment, trying to catch up. It was only a moment, though, and then you were reaching for each other, two bodies colliding in a rush of feeling.

This was desperation beyond anything you’d ever felt before. Not sexual, not romantic, just frantic. A want, a craving, a _need._ To touch. To feel. To hold. You clawed at each other, nails dragging across skin and fingers tangling in hair. Breath undistinguishable from each other. Tears flowing freely down both faces. To just feel him. To finally know each and every callous on his hands, and the softness of his face. You lost your fingers in his hair as he memorised every inch of your sides.

Your giggle burst through the scene as he found a ticklish spot. In future he’d use that spot against you, but not then. You arched away on instinct and that wouldn’t do, so he grabbed you back.

“Touch me” he whispered in your ear, voice thick with happiness and confusion and disbelief. And sorrow, always present in moments like these. A remnant of what might have been. So he just held you tighter, praying to all the gods he’d never dared believe in that this wasn’t a dream.

But you kept clinging to him, kept running your hands up and down his sides and bombarding his lips with kisses until you were dizzy.

“Don’t ever stop” he breathed out, arms finally stilling their soft attack as he contented himself with just holding you.

Your tears wet his shirt as your head sank onto his shoulder.

“Don’t ever let go” you whispered back.

Like I said, Luke could never really express himself properly without touch. The people he loved couldn’t get away from that fact. A hand on their backs, an arm around their shoulders, a leg pressing against their own. He was constantly touching.

For someone who communicated so well through song lyrics, through words, it was amazing how much he seemed unable to say without touch:

Hey.

I’m right here.

I’m sleepy and you’re comfy.

I’m glad you’re here.

You’re beautiful.

I love you.

How had you ever managed without it? When all he ever seemed to do was hold your hand, rest his head in your lap, squash up next to you on the sofa. It was usually the first thing that told you he was there as he bounded up behind you and wrapped strong arms around your waist. You were forgetting how to sleep if he wasn’t lying there next to you.

Of course, it wasn’t like you were with Luke just to touch him. You loved him for everything he was. Yes, he looked incredible, and you counted your lucky stars every day that you got to be with someone so beautiful. But if it all went away tomorrow, and you were back to sofa cushions and dreams, then you’d take it and be grateful for everything you still had. Because it was his mind, his heart, his soul that you had fallen so completely in love with.

But it would be lying if you said you didn’t revel in the ability to just touch him.

Not all the time. You didn’t cling to him, you weren’t attached at the hip.

But being able to feel him… Just casually. Drifting past him and noticing the way your hips bumped, just reminding each other you were there. Being able to _feel_ how close he was sitting to you on the sofa. Feet pressing against each other as you watched the weather outside; hands locked as you lay on the beach and watched the sunset; fingers causally playing with each other’s hair as you watched a movie.

Things so common you barely gave them a moment’s thought, but still relished more than you could say.


End file.
